Significant others of doctoral students may encounter their own set of challenges while their partner is pursuing their degree. Therefore, it is equally important for them to manage their own expectations, identify potential stressors, and develop coping mechanisms that can help them successfully navigate their own personal journey as non-students.

Significant Others:
Managing Expectations

AWARENESS

It is important to know that graduate school can strain relationships, including your relationship with your partner. Therefore, discuss ways to manage stress and potential conflicts beforehand to reduce stress levels and ensure both of you are on the same page.

NEEDS

It is crucial to recognize that each individual has unique needs and may evolve throughout their educational journey. As a result, it may be necessary to adjust roles and responsibilities to meet each person's needs.

DEMANDS

It is important to understand that your student-partner will have competing demands, which will require your patience and flexibility. Anticipate role strains and be flexible with solution-finding.

"Being Honest With Myself"

(2 min. 22 sec.)

Listen to a significant other share his experience of managing his own expectations during the process.

Significant Other

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Significant Others:
Common Stressors

Experiencing Work-related pressures at your job while managing the home-life pressures simultaneously.

Having increased financial burden if you are the primary income holder who has to cover the financial responsibilities in the household.

Overcommitting to take on more than what is realistic and manageable in fear that your student-partner thinks you are not being supportive.

Lack of understanding from others as family members and friends may not fully comprehend the undertaking of having a student-partner in a doctoral program.

Lack of quality time with student-partner due to the high demands from school, where the student spends most of the time studying both in class and at home.

Significant Others: Coping Strategies

Remind yourself that the stress you are enduring is for a better future for your relationship, the family, and other close networks. There will be more opportunities to come once the student's goal is achieved.

Do not ignore your feelings of resentment and loneliness. Talk about those feelings with someone you trust so the feelings do not build up and later cause friction or conflict between you and the student.

Being aware and reminding yourself that you are the sounding board – an outsider who can offer perspective, encourage, and may need to step in and say to the student, “you need a break…slow down…things do not need to be perfect…” You bring value.

Connect with other graduate students’ significant others because having social support from others in similar situations is helpful; it is likely that they are struggling with the same issues. Lean on other non-students.

It's important to be realistic and not take the student's shortcomings personally. Being mindful to acknowledge the current reality and reminding yourself that the student is undergoing something challenging, but also admirable.

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Significant Others:
Prioritizing Yourself

Support systems must prioritize self-care because it is a necessity. Communication is key, and non-student partners should feel comfortable expressing their need for a break. Encouraging self-care activities and allowing time to recharge shows the student's appreciation and gratitude for all the strength that significant others provide throughout the process.

(1 min. 47 sec)

Make sure to have one or two activities that you enjoy doing and try to include them in your weekly routine.

(1 min. 10 sec.)

Remember to prioritize your well-being by scheduling breaks and letting your student-partner know when you need to take time to recharge.

NAMI Family Support Group | NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness

Support groups are available to help and support you if your student-partner is experiencing mental health issues.

Maintaining the Connection

Maintaining a strong relationship with one's partner is necessary for doctoral students, especially during the demanding journey of pursuing a doctoral degree. Listen to some effective ways that non-student partners use to stay connected while supporting them throughout the process.

(1 min. 18 sec.)

"Finding those moments to just be the two of us...since the doctoral program started, we try to do that more often..."